2014!! Updated post

A very late post, and I apologize, but our last part of 2013 was one to remember. My baby turned a year and my husband was hit with an RPG. Our year started off with a bang and literally ended with one. The day my husband called me and told me he was in a "little explosion" was the day I felt peace all over again just as when I saw my little baby struggling to breath. I had peace in the midst of the storm. The boys and I flew out to DC on Christmas morning to be with my husband. We stayed about two months in DC while his injuries healed up and he was cleared to return back to duty. We have had such a year to remember, but I'm so thankful for a God who knows all and sees all. God knew what He was doing January 24th 2013 and He knew what He was doing January 24th 2014!

Below is a video for my Alexander. We love you our miracle.

https://vimeo.com/83555466

Psalms
91 He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.”
3 Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler[a]
And from the perilous pestilence.
4 He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and buckler.
5 You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by day.

September 19...I feel like I'm missing a few limbs without my boys.

Today my morning started at 4:30 am.....feeding baby A and saying my "see you laters" to my boys. My hubby got me a ticket to fly out and see him before he ships out of here. God knew I needed it because I spent practically the whole day in tears. Davidson is really missing Daddy and keeps saying to me " I miss daddy, but he is going to come back and he will take us to out other home" he will randomly spark up a conversation about the toys, his room in North Carolina and his daddy who is "at work" fighting the bad guys. We got to Skype with daddy the other day and Davidson asked him to show him his room and toys. Alexander just try's to talk and show off for daddy with his crawling/yoga poses. We went on our weekly trip to target yesterday to get grapes for Davidson's teddy bear picnic at school today and we saw a soldier....and of course my son went up and said, "hi, do you have a daughter?" It made as feel like home though, because at our target in Fayetteville it's rare to see someone not in uniform. It was a comforting feel to see a soldier....and he told Davidson to be a good boy for me:) anyway..I'm off on a mini vaca to sleep, sleep in, hug and kiss my husband as many times as I can before Monday....no kids....:) I might even shower a few times a day and take a bath every night. Thank you for everyone back in Massachusetts who will take care and love my boys while I'm gone. 

The End.........

September!...ABC...123's

September..ABC and 123's

So...another post which is long past it's due date. Sorry!! Our life is a bit in the air now. BUT I'm feeling a sense of routine now. D had some leave so we all drove up to New England, and those weeks went way to fast for our little family. All of a sudden I was saying "see you soon" to my husband...which our "see you soons" are months long. Any way...we have been here in Massachusetts for about a month now. I'm working out like WHOA! And want Dave to say WHOA! The next time he sees me :) I'm actually training for a half marathon at least that's my little goal this deployment. We also put Davidson in Preschool full days two days a week. Before I had kids and before I only had one squish I was totally like" I am keeping them home with me till After kindergarten and then life happens, deployments happen and another squish came into our lives and I LOVE my days with just Alexander. Alexander and I miss Davidson on those days but its our special days for just us, pretty special. Davidson is also doing incredible in school. He loves it, is having fun, and learning. I'm loving being around my family and having extra hands and of course LOVING Uncle Ethan....my angel :) He is an amazing Uncle to Davidson and I'm so happy he is here to tag team with me.  I'm loving that Davidson is going to SSCA with my mom, and loving that my dad meets us at the playground to push Davidson on the swing while I feed A, or randomly takes him to see the horses down the street. I'm trying to see the positives in this new adventure our little family is on. 

On a heavier side my 2 lb baby had his first appointment at Boston Medical and he is 14lbs 12.3 oz and 25 in long!!! He is rolling, laughing, and loves to pull his big brothers flowing locks. 

Healing one day at a time

So, tomorrow is August 3rd! I can't believe it. Alexander is 6-months-old now and 3-months-old "adjusted" (we look at him developmentally like he is still only 3 months). He had his evaluation this morning at Womack Specialty Pediatric Clinic, weighing in at 12 pounds,  10 ounces and is 24 inches long. His hearing test went great as well. I had to bring Davidson, which was a handful but I'm very I'm thankful I did because of the what happened after Alexander's appointment. These past few months as a mom of two my life has been rocked. I am learning more about myself than I ever have. God is showing me places in my heart where healing needs to happens and I am all for it. I just wish it could happen overnight for me. There has been a lot I've had to deal with since Alexander's birth, which compared to some of my close friends' stories  (pregnancy, getting pregnant, and outcomes of other preemies) I sometimes feel as though I should not blog or vent because everything, in the end, turned out good for us. BUT there are days like this that remind me that things happened the way they did to teach me, heal me and make me feel as other mothers have felt. Today has been the first day in a very long time that I have felt a mend in my heart from everything that happened with Alexander's birth. I have had to let go of things that just didn't happen the way I had planned Alexander's birth to be like. I talked to a nurse today and of course cried as I told her I think I have a bit of PTSD from everything, which I even hate blogging about this but I'm going to... I hope it can help someone else. Birth trauma can and will stay with you for a long time. I don't want to be at Alexander's 21st birthday though and still talking about my sad memories with his birth. So today I took a step to start this process of healing, and maybe even forgiving a bit. :) Today, as we were walking out of Alexander's appointment, I went to Womack's OBGYN clinic to see if the doctor who delivered A was there. The lady at the front desk said that he was and I instantly started to tear up and asked her if she could go ask if he could see me. I told her to tell him that I was the patient with the appendectomy. Not even a minute later she opened the door and motioned me in. There stood Doctor M.  We hugged with both of our eyes with tears in them. I asked him if he remembered us. He said, "Of course I do, I think of that day often." I said, "I know it was a very intense day, but I wanted to see you and have a bit of closure with things and get a picture of you and Alexander." I thanked him, probably too many times, and he held little Alexander's hand while a snapped a picture. We hugged and I thanked him again for being the one that day to be with me and help me deliver him. I remember the moment he sat on the side of my bed and told me, "You have to push your baby out right now!" And I did. It was a whirlwind after that last third push and things didn't seem creep up with my memories of that day until months later, but just being able to see that doctor and to take a simple picture did me wonders today in this healing process. 

I need a pedicure.....a nap, and maybe a glass of wine

Sorry I have not been blogging lately....I'm finding it hard to even find time to eat or pee for that matter. D has been gone for a bit and its always go-time here in the Strysko household.   We are surviving though, it was good practice for when D has to go on his looooonger camping trip:( which I can't even write about because it brings too many emotions for me right now. I'm praying about taking the boys up north to New England/Vermont for that time. I'm thankful that Davidson doesn't need to be in school now and I have that flexibility to travel to go see family during that time; plus I will have help! I have extremely great friends here but everyone has their babies, their lives and its hard to ask for help when I know they are going through the same exact journey. That is what I love to be around though,  because they get me. They get my family, they get my emotions and they just get the army life. At home it's really tough because I feel like no one gets it at times.  They really try to get it and try to understand but it's a totally different life than the normal lives a lot of my friends live. I get extremely jealous over their "normal lives," which I hate because I have never been the one to be jealous over things; but when it comes to this, it gets me. I'm working on it and praying God gives me contentment in this life.

Anyway, Alexander and Davidson are doing great. Well....Davidson is turning 3 soon and he is fresh and just so silly. The other day he sat on my lap and said,"mummy your legs are pokey like a pine cone!" :) Thanks baby this is what a mother of two and no hubby ever around feels like. We laughed and went on to playing pirates, bad guys, good guys and throwing our food like grenades.  The other day while getting out of the car he wanted the horrible angry birds gushy fruit snacks I bought him from Food Lion so I said, "ok, since you have been a good boy in the last hour(!) I will give you some." He said back, "Oh, Mom! You're my best, favorite girlfriend."  I have no clue where he comes up with these things. He is a character and totally his father all the way. Baby A is doing great. He is 8 lbs. and 21 in. long now. He eats, sleeps, smiles, coos, makes sounds like a lamb and sleeps and is finally back to pooping every day (he took a few days off from that). He is my little lamb, turtle, bear sweetness. He rarely cries except when I take to long to feed him. He loves Davidson, he stops crying and instantly tracks him when he comes around him. I'm loving being their Mummy, and can't wait till D gets home so I can sleep, eat and go to the bathroom ALONE!

I will try to keep blogging more...promise:) 

My baby is growing!!

My baby boy is 7 lbs and 10 oz!!

Thank you Jesus for your blessings

Rachael Janokovic wrote a profound post over at Desiring God Ministries about motherhood – here’s an excerpt:

Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.

Christian mothers carry their children in hostile territory. When you are in public with them, you are standing with, and defending, the objects of cultural dislike. You are publicly testifying that you value what God values, and that you refuse to value what the world values. You stand with the defenseless and in front of the needy. You represent everything that our culture hates, because you represent laying down your life for another—and laying down your life for another represents the gospel."

I thought that was good. The other day meeting a girl to pick up more milk just gave me goosebumps. My mops girls at my table actually prayed for my supply to increase and prayed God would give me over in abundance for Alexander. Well He has...just not with my milk...with other mommies milk, and that's ok, it's actually a HUGE blessing. I know I keep blogging about this, but I have to keep reminding myself that my baby is going to be fine and  I'm going to be ok. There are days I get really down on myself about not having a supply enough for him and I get really mad. I think I'm at that mad, angry point in the whole grieving process of having A early. It's normal and actually healthy. It's much easier to be mad than crying my head off as well hah! I'm more upset with how things were handle with me at the hospital when I went in for my appendix. I'm trying really hard to say positive things after I say something negative about the whole thing.  Here are the stages of grieving...I'm taking it one day at a time and healing when I hold my precious miracle and when I say out loud Thank you Lord, Thank you Lord for all you have done and given us. Thank you for reminding us to trust in You in everything, even in the tiniest things :) 

Many people do not experience the stages in the order listed below, which is okay. The key to understanding the stages is not to feel like you must go through every one of them, in precise order. Instead, it’s more helpful to look at them as guides in the grieving process — it helps you understand and put into context where you are.

1. Denial and Isolation

2. Anger

As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends, family. Emotionally, however, we may resent the person for causing us pain or for leaving us. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry.

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

http://www.liveaction.org/ please check this site out! Lets pray for Justice for all the aborted babies.