So, tomorrow is August 3rd! I can't believe it. Alexander is 6-months-old now and 3-months-old "adjusted" (we look at him developmentally like he is still only 3 months). He had his evaluation this morning at Womack Specialty Pediatric Clinic, weighing in at 12 pounds, 10 ounces and is 24 inches long. His hearing test went great as well. I had to bring Davidson, which was a handful but I'm very I'm thankful I did because of the what happened after Alexander's appointment. These past few months as a mom of two my life has been rocked. I am learning more about myself than I ever have. God is showing me places in my heart where healing needs to happens and I am all for it. I just wish it could happen overnight for me. There has been a lot I've had to deal with since Alexander's birth, which compared to some of my close friends' stories (pregnancy, getting pregnant, and outcomes of other preemies) I sometimes feel as though I should not blog or vent because everything, in the end, turned out good for us. BUT there are days like this that remind me that things happened the way they did to teach me, heal me and make me feel as other mothers have felt. Today has been the first day in a very long time that I have felt a mend in my heart from everything that happened with Alexander's birth. I have had to let go of things that just didn't happen the way I had planned Alexander's birth to be like. I talked to a nurse today and of course cried as I told her I think I have a bit of PTSD from everything, which I even hate blogging about this but I'm going to... I hope it can help someone else. Birth trauma can and will stay with you for a long time. I don't want to be at Alexander's 21st birthday though and still talking about my sad memories with his birth. So today I took a step to start this process of healing, and maybe even forgiving a bit. :) Today, as we were walking out of Alexander's appointment, I went to Womack's OBGYN clinic to see if the doctor who delivered A was there. The lady at the front desk said that he was and I instantly started to tear up and asked her if she could go ask if he could see me. I told her to tell him that I was the patient with the appendectomy. Not even a minute later she opened the door and motioned me in. There stood Doctor M. We hugged with both of our eyes with tears in them. I asked him if he remembered us. He said, "Of course I do, I think of that day often." I said, "I know it was a very intense day, but I wanted to see you and have a bit of closure with things and get a picture of you and Alexander." I thanked him, probably too many times, and he held little Alexander's hand while a snapped a picture. We hugged and I thanked him again for being the one that day to be with me and help me deliver him. I remember the moment he sat on the side of my bed and told me, "You have to push your baby out right now!" And I did. It was a whirlwind after that last third push and things didn't seem creep up with my memories of that day until months later, but just being able to see that doctor and to take a simple picture did me wonders today in this healing process.
