September 19...I feel like I'm missing a few limbs without my boys.

Today my morning started at 4:30 am.....feeding baby A and saying my "see you laters" to my boys. My hubby got me a ticket to fly out and see him before he ships out of here. God knew I needed it because I spent practically the whole day in tears. Davidson is really missing Daddy and keeps saying to me " I miss daddy, but he is going to come back and he will take us to out other home" he will randomly spark up a conversation about the toys, his room in North Carolina and his daddy who is "at work" fighting the bad guys. We got to Skype with daddy the other day and Davidson asked him to show him his room and toys. Alexander just try's to talk and show off for daddy with his crawling/yoga poses. We went on our weekly trip to target yesterday to get grapes for Davidson's teddy bear picnic at school today and we saw a soldier....and of course my son went up and said, "hi, do you have a daughter?" It made as feel like home though, because at our target in Fayetteville it's rare to see someone not in uniform. It was a comforting feel to see a soldier....and he told Davidson to be a good boy for me:) anyway..I'm off on a mini vaca to sleep, sleep in, hug and kiss my husband as many times as I can before Monday....no kids....:) I might even shower a few times a day and take a bath every night. Thank you for everyone back in Massachusetts who will take care and love my boys while I'm gone. 

The End.........

September!...ABC...123's

September..ABC and 123's

So...another post which is long past it's due date. Sorry!! Our life is a bit in the air now. BUT I'm feeling a sense of routine now. D had some leave so we all drove up to New England, and those weeks went way to fast for our little family. All of a sudden I was saying "see you soon" to my husband...which our "see you soons" are months long. Any way...we have been here in Massachusetts for about a month now. I'm working out like WHOA! And want Dave to say WHOA! The next time he sees me :) I'm actually training for a half marathon at least that's my little goal this deployment. We also put Davidson in Preschool full days two days a week. Before I had kids and before I only had one squish I was totally like" I am keeping them home with me till After kindergarten and then life happens, deployments happen and another squish came into our lives and I LOVE my days with just Alexander. Alexander and I miss Davidson on those days but its our special days for just us, pretty special. Davidson is also doing incredible in school. He loves it, is having fun, and learning. I'm loving being around my family and having extra hands and of course LOVING Uncle Ethan....my angel :) He is an amazing Uncle to Davidson and I'm so happy he is here to tag team with me.  I'm loving that Davidson is going to SSCA with my mom, and loving that my dad meets us at the playground to push Davidson on the swing while I feed A, or randomly takes him to see the horses down the street. I'm trying to see the positives in this new adventure our little family is on. 

On a heavier side my 2 lb baby had his first appointment at Boston Medical and he is 14lbs 12.3 oz and 25 in long!!! He is rolling, laughing, and loves to pull his big brothers flowing locks. 

Healing one day at a time

So, tomorrow is August 3rd! I can't believe it. Alexander is 6-months-old now and 3-months-old "adjusted" (we look at him developmentally like he is still only 3 months). He had his evaluation this morning at Womack Specialty Pediatric Clinic, weighing in at 12 pounds,  10 ounces and is 24 inches long. His hearing test went great as well. I had to bring Davidson, which was a handful but I'm very I'm thankful I did because of the what happened after Alexander's appointment. These past few months as a mom of two my life has been rocked. I am learning more about myself than I ever have. God is showing me places in my heart where healing needs to happens and I am all for it. I just wish it could happen overnight for me. There has been a lot I've had to deal with since Alexander's birth, which compared to some of my close friends' stories  (pregnancy, getting pregnant, and outcomes of other preemies) I sometimes feel as though I should not blog or vent because everything, in the end, turned out good for us. BUT there are days like this that remind me that things happened the way they did to teach me, heal me and make me feel as other mothers have felt. Today has been the first day in a very long time that I have felt a mend in my heart from everything that happened with Alexander's birth. I have had to let go of things that just didn't happen the way I had planned Alexander's birth to be like. I talked to a nurse today and of course cried as I told her I think I have a bit of PTSD from everything, which I even hate blogging about this but I'm going to... I hope it can help someone else. Birth trauma can and will stay with you for a long time. I don't want to be at Alexander's 21st birthday though and still talking about my sad memories with his birth. So today I took a step to start this process of healing, and maybe even forgiving a bit. :) Today, as we were walking out of Alexander's appointment, I went to Womack's OBGYN clinic to see if the doctor who delivered A was there. The lady at the front desk said that he was and I instantly started to tear up and asked her if she could go ask if he could see me. I told her to tell him that I was the patient with the appendectomy. Not even a minute later she opened the door and motioned me in. There stood Doctor M.  We hugged with both of our eyes with tears in them. I asked him if he remembered us. He said, "Of course I do, I think of that day often." I said, "I know it was a very intense day, but I wanted to see you and have a bit of closure with things and get a picture of you and Alexander." I thanked him, probably too many times, and he held little Alexander's hand while a snapped a picture. We hugged and I thanked him again for being the one that day to be with me and help me deliver him. I remember the moment he sat on the side of my bed and told me, "You have to push your baby out right now!" And I did. It was a whirlwind after that last third push and things didn't seem creep up with my memories of that day until months later, but just being able to see that doctor and to take a simple picture did me wonders today in this healing process. 

I need a pedicure.....a nap, and maybe a glass of wine

Sorry I have not been blogging lately....I'm finding it hard to even find time to eat or pee for that matter. D has been gone for a bit and its always go-time here in the Strysko household.   We are surviving though, it was good practice for when D has to go on his looooonger camping trip:( which I can't even write about because it brings too many emotions for me right now. I'm praying about taking the boys up north to New England/Vermont for that time. I'm thankful that Davidson doesn't need to be in school now and I have that flexibility to travel to go see family during that time; plus I will have help! I have extremely great friends here but everyone has their babies, their lives and its hard to ask for help when I know they are going through the same exact journey. That is what I love to be around though,  because they get me. They get my family, they get my emotions and they just get the army life. At home it's really tough because I feel like no one gets it at times.  They really try to get it and try to understand but it's a totally different life than the normal lives a lot of my friends live. I get extremely jealous over their "normal lives," which I hate because I have never been the one to be jealous over things; but when it comes to this, it gets me. I'm working on it and praying God gives me contentment in this life.

Anyway, Alexander and Davidson are doing great. Well....Davidson is turning 3 soon and he is fresh and just so silly. The other day he sat on my lap and said,"mummy your legs are pokey like a pine cone!" :) Thanks baby this is what a mother of two and no hubby ever around feels like. We laughed and went on to playing pirates, bad guys, good guys and throwing our food like grenades.  The other day while getting out of the car he wanted the horrible angry birds gushy fruit snacks I bought him from Food Lion so I said, "ok, since you have been a good boy in the last hour(!) I will give you some." He said back, "Oh, Mom! You're my best, favorite girlfriend."  I have no clue where he comes up with these things. He is a character and totally his father all the way. Baby A is doing great. He is 8 lbs. and 21 in. long now. He eats, sleeps, smiles, coos, makes sounds like a lamb and sleeps and is finally back to pooping every day (he took a few days off from that). He is my little lamb, turtle, bear sweetness. He rarely cries except when I take to long to feed him. He loves Davidson, he stops crying and instantly tracks him when he comes around him. I'm loving being their Mummy, and can't wait till D gets home so I can sleep, eat and go to the bathroom ALONE!

I will try to keep blogging more...promise:) 

My baby is growing!!

My baby boy is 7 lbs and 10 oz!!

Thank you Jesus for your blessings

Rachael Janokovic wrote a profound post over at Desiring God Ministries about motherhood – here’s an excerpt:

Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.

Christian mothers carry their children in hostile territory. When you are in public with them, you are standing with, and defending, the objects of cultural dislike. You are publicly testifying that you value what God values, and that you refuse to value what the world values. You stand with the defenseless and in front of the needy. You represent everything that our culture hates, because you represent laying down your life for another—and laying down your life for another represents the gospel."

I thought that was good. The other day meeting a girl to pick up more milk just gave me goosebumps. My mops girls at my table actually prayed for my supply to increase and prayed God would give me over in abundance for Alexander. Well He has...just not with my milk...with other mommies milk, and that's ok, it's actually a HUGE blessing. I know I keep blogging about this, but I have to keep reminding myself that my baby is going to be fine and  I'm going to be ok. There are days I get really down on myself about not having a supply enough for him and I get really mad. I think I'm at that mad, angry point in the whole grieving process of having A early. It's normal and actually healthy. It's much easier to be mad than crying my head off as well hah! I'm more upset with how things were handle with me at the hospital when I went in for my appendix. I'm trying really hard to say positive things after I say something negative about the whole thing.  Here are the stages of grieving...I'm taking it one day at a time and healing when I hold my precious miracle and when I say out loud Thank you Lord, Thank you Lord for all you have done and given us. Thank you for reminding us to trust in You in everything, even in the tiniest things :) 

Many people do not experience the stages in the order listed below, which is okay. The key to understanding the stages is not to feel like you must go through every one of them, in precise order. Instead, it’s more helpful to look at them as guides in the grieving process — it helps you understand and put into context where you are.

1. Denial and Isolation

2. Anger

As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends, family. Emotionally, however, we may resent the person for causing us pain or for leaving us. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry.

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

http://www.liveaction.org/ please check this site out! Lets pray for Justice for all the aborted babies. 

Our 2lb miracle...I'm learning from him...

So....it has been awhile since a long post, thought I would update a bit. Alexander on Friday was 6lbs4oz!!!! He had his eye appointment and everything looked great. He is acting more like a term baby....it makes me so happy!! I decided to give him bottle and he is actually doing really good with nursing and his supplement bottle with his "calorie juice" in it (with breast milk) so....I definitely cried the first time but I'm getting ok with it, he is growing and that is what matters.  He actually loves nursing and just being close to me, it melts my heart. I prayed for that and still pray for that. I got a little nervous when everything happened about us bonding But God knew what HE was doing and Alexander and I have a very special bond that won't compare to anything else. Davidson and I have a different bond than what Bruin and I will have. I will cherish each moment with Alexander he is our little 2lb miracle which is over 6lbs now. I am learning a lot being a mummy of two, Thank you God for this opportunity to be a mummy to these two beautiful boys in my life. 

“CHRISTIAN HOPE IS STRONGLY LINKED TO MY Presence—which is with you now and throughout eternity. So the more aware you are of My Presence, the more hopeful you will feel. Even though you believe that I am with you always, there may be times when you feel distant from Me. This diminishes your hopefulness.

Do not hesitate to ask for My help. For instance, you can simply pray, “Jesus, keep me aware of You.” This prayer is so short and simple that you can use it as often as needed. Sometimes you limp through a day feeling empty and alone. But I say to you at such times, “You do not have because you do not ask.”

Hoping in Me is the most realistic way to live because of who I am. Since I am the Creator and Sustainer of the universe, nothing can thwart My promises. As you marvel at how great, glorious, and trustworthy I am, your praises will fill you with hope—and with rich awareness of My Presence.”

Excerpt From: Young, Sarah. “Jesus Today.” 

My due date.......

Today was my due date, we turn 40 weeks today.

My big boy.....

My Alexander is a big boy lifting his head at tummy time. Just wanted to share this. Below is my manny brother Ethan....he has one more week with us:( I'm trying everything I can to make him stay. He will be missed greatly!!!

Milk pick up 101

One thing I am really thankful for are my milk donors, whom I will consider my lifelong friends. It's hilarious how the milk hand-offs have happened for us. It's very comical, to say the least. A friend, we will call her "K", was an hour or two away from Chapel Hill, but she expressed that she wanted to donate milk to Alexander. Of course I said Yes! Any who, this is how it all went down. On a Sunday around 10:00 PM (lol!), my brother and I drove down a street in Durham to meet K's sister and brother-in-law my. We got out, they opened their Trek and pulled out a cooler, hah! Ethan and I were like, "Oh my Gosh!" This is amazing and of course I started crying and hugged K's sister, who I had never met before this milk exchange. We put the cooler in our trunk, said "thank you" and drove away. Ethan and I laughed the whole ride home because of how crazy I am and how stinking blessed my baby is that we have the option to keep him on donor milk. As I look up the Facebook pages that help out mothers that are in need of milk it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart because I know how precious these mothers care and truly want the best for their babies; and how they will do anything to provide that. Even if that means to drive hours away to pick up milk for their babes. This morning, Ethan and I had another adventurous milk pick-up. It was actually a really relaxed, in-and-out pick up with a friend. We met at a Starbucks, I got a decaf latte and picked up the milk. We chatted a bit about my story and her birth story. Her little girl was delivered by the same midwife that delivered Davidson and she LOVES Womack just as much as I loathe it! On a side note, I really want to blast away a post about Womack but I won't. I will hold my tongue and move on. Although, I will say that the first thing I am asking all the doctors that I'm interviewing for a PCP if a woman comes in who is 25 weeks pregnant with fever, vomiting and excruciating pain in her right side, what is the first thing you would do?! I'm still a little Bitter Betty over here.

 

Anyway, if you are interested in donating milk, or if you need donor milk yourself, google "eats on feets" and "human milk 4 human babies". Both have chapters in every state and all the mamas are so awesome! Also visit www.kellymom.com for the most up to date information on pumping, storing and donating guidelines to keep milk sharing safe and sanitary. 

My new favorite face book page

http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Skeptical-Mother/322009484509251

This is my new favorite Facebook page. Check it out Mamas when you get a spare moment. 

Home again home again lets start this new gig

April 9, 2013

Seventy-one days my baby boy was in the NICU. I still can't believe we are home. Davidson is loving being at home and he is loving his brand new baby brother. The day we were discharged, I felt like I was stealing my baby or something from the NICU.  It was a strange feeling. As soon as we got him in the car though, I took a deep breathand thought "let the next season and adventure begin."  My mother-in-law came to help since my hubby is away for a few weeks. Ugh! My heart hurt so badly when he wasn't there when we were discharged. When we got home we had no food, my flowers were all dried up, and I still had my scarecrow and pumpkin rug at my front door. Thepotatoes in my pantry were growing like trees!

It takes a village; literally. I'm so thankful my family is so supportive and have taken turns throughout this whole mess. 

Yesterday was Alexander's pediatrician appointment and he weighed 5.8 pounds. When we left the NICU on Friday, he weighed 5.4 pounds.  I am hoping he hits 6lbs. next week for when my parents are here. We will be having a 6lb party, cake and all! 

My boys pediatrician gave me some wisdom as I cried to her because of everything. She said, "Let Davidson be Davidson and Alexander be Alexander. We are in a good place considering how early he was. " 

“I WILL FIGHT FOR YOU; YOU NEED ONLY TO BE still. I know how weary you are, My child. You have been struggling just to keep your head above water, and your strength is running low. Now is the time for you to stop striving and let Me fight for you. I know this is not easy for you to do. You feel as if you must keep struggling in order to survive, but I am calling you to rest in Me. I am working on your behalf; so be still, and know that I am God.

Quieting your body is somewhat challenging for you, but stilling your mind may often seem downright impossible. In your striving to feel secure, you have relied too heavily on your own thinking. This struggle to be in control has elevated your mind to a position of autonomy. So you need the intervention of the Holy Spirit. Ask Him to control your mind more and more— soothing you from the inside out. Take time to rest in the shadow of the Almighty while I fight for you.”

Excerpt From: Young, Sarah. “Jesus Today.” 

" if breastfeeding offends you, put a cover over your head!"

BREASTFEEDING................

A hot topic... And strangely, the NICU nurse keeps asking "Bottles, bottles?" A few nurses have been extremely kind and supportive of my whole outlook on this SNS breastfeeding experience. I'm hoping to pave the way for future mummy's in my shoes. I will be first to tell you that if this was my first baby, I probably would have given up. Shoot! I could be sleeping rather than pumping every 2-3 hours,the nurses could do all the feedings and I would feel way less exhausted. BUT, I had a little blue boy named Davidson almost 3 years ago and we actually just stopped nursing in August/September of 2012. To bad we stopped; maybe I would have had more milk for Alexander,but we can't go back in time. Gosh, I wish I could go back some days. For me in this wholebreastfeeding journey has a lot to do with my baby being in the care of so many different nurses for the first 2 months of his life. He has never met his brother, sees his dad on weekends for a few hours and has had surgery before the age of one. The one thing that only I can do with him is feed him. He knows me, he knows my voice, knows my scent and knows I am his mummy and I feed him. I talked a few days ago with a friend about the struggles she wentthrough trying to breastfeed, and as moms we know the feelings each other feels because we are moms. If you aren't a mom or haven't ever breastfed your baby, you wouldn't get it. A lot of the nurses and doctors say to me that they admire my efforts and my determination. I'm basically just doing what my heart is telling me to do. I'm praying about it and God is helping me understand patience. I have been staying over night and during the day at the hospital since Thursday, it is now Monday morning, and I really want to go home. :(Alexander is doing great. He is improving but still needs to keep up on the feeding. I will end this post with this...

“I ALWAYS LEAD YOU FORWARD. When you are going through hard times, you tend to look back longingly at seasons when your life seemed easier, less complicated. You daydream about those simpler times—looking at them through rose-colored lenses. Even your prayers reflect this yearning to go back to earlier, easier circumstances. But this is not My way for you!

Because of the nature of time, there is only one direction to travel, and that is forward. Your life on earth is a journey—beginning at birth and ending at the gates of Heaven. I am your Guide, and your responsibility is to follow Me wherever I lead. Sometimes I take you to places you would rather not go, but this is My prerogative as your Savior-God. I am also your Shepherd. I always lead you along the best possible path—no matter how painful or confusing it may be. When your path takes you through a dark valley and you are struggling, look to Me for help. Follow Me obediently, trusting Me in the midst of darkness and confusion. I am tenderly present with you each step of your journey. As you stay close to Me."

Excerpt From: Young, Sarah. “Jesus Today.” Thomas Nelson

Nicu letter 2 future super nicu moms

These are a few of the websites and Facebook pages that helped me along on

our NICU journey. I found that I had to do a lot of researching on my

own because having a preemie was so different than my first experience

in having a term baby. Everything was different from his size to breastfeeding, vaccines,

milk supply issues and energy levels.

I hope these websites/blogs will be a help to you and give you a sense

of things when things seem very confusing and out of sorts. Day by day

they get stronger, and that goes for you as well.

Love,

Elizabeth Strysko

NICU Mom, 2013

A great blog that advocates breastfeeding: http://theleakyboob.com/blog/

Domperidone info: http://www.inhousepharmacy.biz/

Post-Partum Doula: https://www.facebook.com/HealingTouchDoula

Getting in touch with milk donors: http://www.eatsonfeets.org/

A great blog and they have a great Facebook page where lots of other

mothers with preemies helped me out.: http://birthwithoutfearblog.com/

Website about donor milk http://www.hm4hb.net/

Breastfeeding site http://kellymom.com/

Milk supply questions and issues http://www.lowmilksupply.org/

Website to buy yummy treats to help milk supply http://www.mrsmilk.com/

Le Leche League http://www.llli.org/

A fun facebook page with lots of fun ideas

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Milk-Friendly/209509835727764

Lact Aid system http://www.lact-aid.com/

SNS System http://www.medelabreastfeedingus.com/products/51/supplemental-nursing-system-sns

Doctor Sears Website http://www.askdrsears.com/

Belly to Breast facebook site

https://www.facebook.com/#!/FairhavenHealth.BellyToBreast?fref=ts

A little bit of everything.....

March 20th

My husband always keeps me in check. I'm so thankful for him. I called him today practically in tears because of the whole bottle/breastfeeding/vaccine dilemma. Everything is just easier when he is here. We are a team, and during the week I feel alone on the team. I see other husbands all the time here and it's very hard not to get sad or even mad at times. I keep asking God, "What are you trying to teach us?"  I know He has His reasons, but it just seems like it's a never ending test.

March 23rd

Alexander is doing really well. He is eating well, gaining some weight, but still needs to gain more. Today we found out that he has a hernia. They were watching it, but today the head surgeon came to look at it. He will need surgery before we are discharged. Poor baby, he has gone through a lot. I just can't wait until this is all over. 

March 26th

Alexander had hernia surgery yesterday morning, March 25th. I really thought we would be home for Easter, but now we're thinking it'll be another week. Alexander is doing really great, we just need him to start eating everything at each feed for 48 hours. The surgery set him back a few days I think, just because he was a little sleepy. This is Dave's last weekend home, then he goes on some training for a few weeks. I was hoping he could be home for when we get out of here but now I'm not sure if that will happen. :(  I thought Alexander would weigh 5 pounds today but not yet....I can't believe it's Easter already. Home is so close to us! Keep praying!

My manny rocks!!

Today is Alexander's 53rd day. He will be 36 weeks gestational and he weighs 4pounds, 5 ounces. I will try to catch you all up since I haven't posted in a week or so. Sometimes in the NICU, your days just morph together. The days go by super fast as well because every three hours you're changing diapers, taking temps., changing clothes (Bruin makes me do tons of laundry), talking to nurses, talking to doctors, and trying to grab some food before you have to pump. It's like a rat race… My life has been crazy since January 1st! I actually got a little sick a few days ago, but feel much better now. I caught a head cold or something after spending the night with Bruin. Our sleepovers went really well. The best sleepover was when Daddy was there; he helped me out a lot.

Bruin is doing well.  I get a bit discouraged on sleepover nights because I want him to just eat everything so we can go home. We are so close… He will take about 15-20mls. while nursing (using the SNS). The SNS is a great little tool for all you breastfeeding mamas who are having trouble for some reason. Email me if you have any questions. They are still working with us and this week I will come in and feed him without them giving him any supplement afterwards (his feeding tube). They want to see him taking all his milk for 48 hrs before we can go home. Right now he takes about half from me then he gets really tired and falls asleep. He is still a little one. He needs a few more days to grow and mature and he will be golden. I am getting excited and can't wait until our little family is back home, and I can have my home-birth discharge party, lol! 

On Saturday we took Davidson to a spring carnival; it was so much fun. Davidson is loving school and already has "crushes" on his teachers. His vocabulary is increasingleaps and bounds. He is going to be a great big brother, and we cannot wait for theday he gets to meet Bruin. 

Shout out to my wonderful Manny!!! Ethan Ray, my brother, has been with us since the start of this journey. He came out when I had my appendix out and just happened to be here when baby Bruin came into the world. He has been such a blessing and Davidson has been so grounded throughout this whole ordeal because of you, Ethan. I know you have seen and learned things you probably never thought you would, but your wife will thank me one day. You deserve the best, so hold on and God will bless you so much. Thank you, Ethan, so much. You help me see the joys in the storms and you take care of us here. :) Thank you for making me feel better about my white hair as well! Thank you for loving Davidson and teaching him his Bible verses and learning that girls are trouble. :) 

Letting go and letting God.............

Easier said than done I must admit. We are all plugging away....still here at the Ronald McDonald house. Doctors keep saying maybe only 2 weeks left. We are praying we are all home for my birthday and for Easter. He is on day 4 of having no apnea or Brady's (he has to go eight days), then he is in the clear. He is now 1875 grams and 16 in long! 1875 grams = approx. 4.2 pounds. We started the SNS (supplemental nursing system) and he is doing very well. I will be staying overnight Monday to Wednesday to nurse and see how he does. He is still so young that he gets really tired after 15-20 minuets of nursing, but he is a "champ" (as everyone has taken to calling him). I am still pumping away and on my second week of domperidone. I'm letting go and letting God have His way with that situation. I have the best friends, though. A few have had their own babies recently and have saved milk up for Alexander. It means so much to me that another mommy would do that for my baby. I actually saw a doctor yesterday for my 6 week postpartum visit and she was saying in a village if a mother was sick and couldn't nurse her baby another mother would nurse that baby. Makes total sense to me.  So, I thank you Martha for providing for my baby. It's an act that I will never forget, and I feel so blessed to have you as my friend and sister in Christ. You will always be a special part of this journey, our family and a big part in helping Alexander grow. I hope one day to have an over abundance of milk and will donate, donate, donate! …and go to Africa and nurse babies there.

Proverbs 18:24,27:9

Test of faith...A+ or F?

Since January 1st I have felt like everyday has been a test of my faith & our family's faith.  As I look back on my life, a few things stand out that have "tested" my faith.  A few examples of this would be my year in Thailand taking care of 3-5 babies (ages 0-2), traveling to Africa, being married to a military man, or becoming a parent for the first time. While in each of these seasons of my life, I felt the tests could never get harder, but they do. Having a baby in the NICU definitely trumps them all though. I feel like I am getting tested in ALL areas of my life while going through this journey. There were, and still are, times when I really get frustrated and just want us all at home together. But, in that quiet place I go by myself with God, I am reminded that God has us right where we are needed. Yes, it stinks living in one room with everyone, not being able to see my husband during the week, and I could go on but I won't. I'm trying hard to count our blessings because it could be worse.

Alexander is 1775 grams! Very shy of 4 pounds. He is doing really well.  I feel like the next hurdle before we go home is eating and getting that down. My medicine camein that will help my milk supply so we are still praying that increases. He was moved to a crib today!! 

Grandpa Strysko is here and is having fun spending time with Blue and visiting Bruin. Thank goodness for Grandpas! Uncle E and Grandpa took Blue to a UNC game, andBlue enjoyed the basketball players and the "girls" (the cheerleaders). My little boy is going to be trouble...

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” —Matthew 11:28–29”

Growing outside of the womb

January 24th 2013, I gave birth to another beautiful baby boy, Alexander Ray "Bruin" Strysko. He was 27.6 weeks (gestational age) and weighed 2 pounds, 8 ounces. He was a fighter in my belly and is still a little fighter. His big brother "Blue" hasn't been able to meet him yet, but the first time he saw a picture of him he said, "Oh..look at that cute baby tiny dinosaur!" Blue's birth was totally different from Bruin's. I had a very smooth, natural water birth, and nursing went great. It was a beautiful story. With this second birth, boy, did I have plans! I actually planned to have a homebirth with Alexander. I wanted to labor how I wanted, to be at home, to have Blue there, etc. About a week or so after I delivered Alexander I realized I was grieving a bit. I should have still been pregnant. Actually, as I write this (and as you read this) I should be almost 34 weeks along. I should still be pregnant. I loved being pregnant with Blue and with Alexander, it just was shortened a bit this time. I had to come to the conclusion in my mind and heart that having him a bit earlier was, and is, a privilege. I get to see my baby grow outside the womb! I get to see him develop and learn things that if he was still in my tummy I couldn't see. It actually is truly such a miracle and is amazing to witness. It was on the third day that I actually got to hold him skin to skin. It was love at first sight, but the day I got to finally hold him, I felt God so near us. In that moment, there was a peace that came over me that I can't really explain.

 

“In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul. —Psalm 94:19 NKJV

“Therefore you now have sorrow; but I will see you again and your heart will rejoice, and your joy no one will take from you.” —John 16:22 NKJV