January 24th 2013, I gave birth to another beautiful baby boy, Alexander Ray "Bruin" Strysko. He was 27.6 weeks (gestational age) and weighed 2 pounds, 8 ounces. He was a fighter in my belly and is still a little fighter. His big brother "Blue" hasn't been able to meet him yet, but the first time he saw a picture of him he said, "Oh..look at that cute baby tiny dinosaur!" Blue's birth was totally different from Bruin's. I had a very smooth, natural water birth, and nursing went great. It was a beautiful story. With this second birth, boy, did I have plans! I actually planned to have a homebirth with Alexander. I wanted to labor how I wanted, to be at home, to have Blue there, etc. About a week or so after I delivered Alexander I realized I was grieving a bit. I should have still been pregnant. Actually, as I write this (and as you read this) I should be almost 34 weeks along. I should still be pregnant. I loved being pregnant with Blue and with Alexander, it just was shortened a bit this time. I had to come to the conclusion in my mind and heart that having him a bit earlier was, and is, a privilege. I get to see my baby grow outside the womb! I get to see him develop and learn things that if he was still in my tummy I couldn't see. It actually is truly such a miracle and is amazing to witness. It was on the third day that I actually got to hold him skin to skin. It was love at first sight, but the day I got to finally hold him, I felt God so near us. In that moment, there was a peace that came over me that I can't really explain.
“In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul. —Psalm 94:19 NKJV
“Therefore you now have sorrow; but I will see you again and your heart will rejoice, and your joy no one will take from you.” —John 16:22 NKJV
Lily, this truly is beautiful! I know all too well, as Esma's birth was planned similar to Alexander's, that no matter how we plan or have ideas, thoughts, hopes or prayers that God has a Plan of his own. And when it is different from ours we can be sad, mourning, anxious, ask why. But, he truly know everything, as you know. Its best to just breath and trust, even when things go... Well... Kind of "off your/our track".
ReplyDeleteI pray for you and hope the best. Davidson is going to bring so much fun to Alexander's life. He has quite the spirit I can see it in his eyes.
Stay strong my friend and remember to breath.
Xoxo